A Not-So-Shocking Adventure: Fiennes and Misdemeanors

adventureswithD-final (1)D: According to your file, you’re a psychopathic personality with schizophrenic delusions, suffering from recurring amnesia based on traumatic repression leading to outbursts of antisocial and violent behavior. Knight to king seven. Check.

A: D? What is going on? Who are you talking to? When did you learn chess?

D: Oh, A. There you are. I’d almost forgotten you were here, standing on the bones of my father.

A: What are you talking about? You’re—you’re a fictional character and that sounds an awful lot like a line from Harry Potter.

D: It is. I’m trying out his lines.

A: Whose lines?

D: What is my name, you ask of me often? It is a name unmusical to the people’s ears, and harsh in sound to thine.

A: . . .

D: Oh, for heaven’s sake A, if you must be obtuse, I’m trying out Ralph Fiennes as my voice actor.

A: Again, I’m going to have to give you a confused silence as evidenced by these three dots: “. . . “

D: Very droll, A. You and Green are at it again with the ol’ podcasting out to the world bit, and if you insist on talking, then so shall I. I shall prove that there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity.

A: And before D starts spouting words of wisdom from Sunshine or the English Patient, which would probably sound sacrilegious coming from the figment of my imagination, please head over to Green Embers, to read the fourth installment of the Not-So-Shocking News Dialogues!

* * *

Courtesy IMBD

Is this the voice of D? Photo courtesy IMBD

D: As I was saying, A. Mr. Fiennes would be spectacular as me.

A: I will agree insomuch as Mr. Fiennes is spectacular–

D: And of course, someone of my history and pathos needs someone of his caliber.

A: Well, certainly, D, but—

D: And since you’ve watched Grand Budapest Hotel, you know he can do humor.

A: That he can.

D: And yet, I sense your reluctance.

A: Well, it’s just that I fear if he were to play you, you’d insist on quoting him all the time, and you have yet to plumb the full depths of his Voldemort—

D: Don’t you turn your back on me, A! I want to see the light leave your eyes–

A: Okay, that is quite enough!

D: Oh, sorry, A. I’m not sure what came over me there.

A: See what I mean?

D: Perhaps. But, can he go on the list?

A: If it means you’ll stop quoting him, sure.

D: (Sigh) Alas, all my power is spent. . . who knows? I may be stronger without it.

A: Indeed. Does this mean we can say goodbye and plug the link for the podcast again?

D: Yes, yes (ahem) Lots to be done 00A. . . are you ready to get back to work?

A: (Grin) With pleasure, M-I mean D. With pleasure.

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