Not-So-Shocking Adventure: The Podcast Has Landed

It's Podcast Time!

It’s Podcast Time!

D: Well, it’s about bloody time.

A: Excuse me?

D: How many months ‘hiatus’ did you take from podcasting, Miss A?

A: Seriously? This from the druid who ridiculed the very idea that I put my voice to the interwebs?

D: Well, now, I may have had some reservations, but while you were off not doing the podcast, no one was giving any thought to who should be my voice!

A: But I’ve known all along who should be your voice (and with that hefty revelation, why don’t you stop by GE Recommends for the podcast. Don’t worry – D’s waited this long. He can wait a few more minutes).

D: You have?

A: Uh huh.

D: . . . and why haven’t you shared that with the world? Come on, A – this audio-book isn’t going to act itself out!

A: Oh all right, in the spirit of the week that’s in it, I’ll reveal who not only inspired your um, brooding looks–

D: I do not brood.

A: It could have been worse, I could have called you a lurker.

D: (Sputtering). Fine. Brooding, it is.

A: This gentlemen not only inspired your brooding good looks, but in my head, whenever you speak, it’s his voice. Every. Single. Time.

D: Distracting, is it?

I may or may not encourage silly gifts like these from The Boy on Valentine's Day. What can I say, they just make me smile.

I may or may not encourage silly gifts like these from The Boy on Valentine’s Day. What can I say, they just make me smile.

A: Considering The Boy jokingly gives me movie paraphernalia with his face on it every year for Valentine’s? Yeah, a little.

D: I knew I liked that child. So you’re telling me, I’m based on Thorin?

A: Or Richard Armitage, but yeah, basically.

D: I like it.

A: Really? No push-back? No snark?

D: No. I think it is highly appropriate. He has my gravitas, pathos and a charmingly wicked gleam to his eye. All in all, I believe you found the perfect muse with which to release my greatness. In fact, only one thing remains.

A: I’m afraid to ask. . .

D: Answering the question why you haven’t cornered him and demanded he do my voice?

A: I think he’s a little busy being epic on stage and in the movies.

D: I don’t think that ought to stop you.

A: Oh dear, this not going to end well.

D: In fact, I think you need to fly or sail or swim or, I don’t know, take that broomstick of yours and get yourself over to England and enlist that man’s voice. You can do it – I’ve heard what you and your friends got up to trying to get Conan O’Brien’s attention.

A: (Sigh) And I was right. While I try to talk D off this particular high, head over to Green Embers’ Recommends for the 14th episode of the Not-So-Shocking-News Dialogues, The Podcast Has Landed!

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A Not-So-Shocking Adventure: Gimme a Break

adventureswithD-final (1)A: So, I think I know who should be your voice actor.

D: Wait, aren’t I the one who is supposed to propose the names, while you poke holes in my dreams?

A: Normally, yes, but getting in a rut is bad for creativity, D.

D: You sound so logical when you say that, but something deep down in my soul says I am going to regret this conversation.

A: (Eye roll) Don’t you want to know who I picked?

D: No.

A: Oh, come on.

D: (Sigh) Oh, all right. Who is it?

keanu

Well, Mr. Reeves has the right hair color, and he even appears to have a smolder, but maybe D is right… just don’t tell him I said so, okay?

A: Keanu Reeves.

D: . . .

A: Don’t give me that look. He’s brilliant. He’s like a table cracker.

D: And that makes him brilliant?

A: Yeah. See, Brad and I were talking about the 11th Podcast episode title (go on, go listen. We can wait), and somehow Keanu Reeves came up, and I said he was a table cracker.

D: . . .

A: Because he’s not horrible, but kinda bland – he’s just there, you know?

D: Bland?! How does bland make him a good choice for me? I have a wide range of emotions, A. I feel things. I have depth.

A: I’ll say – you know, that deep voice of yours is dangerous when it gets that loud.

D: My apologies, but please, pray tell me how bland-as-a-table-cracker actor is worthy of me.

A: I was thinking that, much like a cracker, he would pick up the flavors of his material. He’d be a blank slate for your, as you say, wide range.

D: Really?

A: Okay, that and I knew it would annoy you.

D: That sounds more like it.

A: Yeah, well, it was worth a try! Anyway, check out Episode 11, Crackers and Kit Kats of the Not So Shocking News Dialogues, back after an extended summer hiatus. There are some great reviews to be had, some fabulous nerd-news, not to mention insightful musings on what makes a classic – and my favorite, Peter Capaldi’s incarnation as the Doctor!

A Not-So-Shocking-Adventure: X marks the … Magneto?

adventureswithD-final (1)A: All right, Druid, where did you put him?

D: What? Put who, A?

A: You know who I’m talking about.

D: Alas, my ability to read your confounding mind is limited.

A: Well, since this week’s podcast, Episode X, is titled The Case of the Missing Magneto (go on, give it a listen. We can wait)…

D: What does that have to do with me?

Is Michael Fassbender the voice of D? Photo courtesy Google Images/USA Today

Is Michael Fassbender the voice of D? I’m certainly not going to argue. Photo courtesy Google Images/USA Today

A: I heard you, in the back of my head while I had my movie marathon. Every time Michael Fassbender showed up on screen, you whispered, “that one.”

D: And considering how many Fassbender movies you watched …

A: Hey now, that was research. After the first time I heard you, I had to make sure you were right.

D: And the verdict?

A: I think I might need to watch some more of his movies…

D: Sure you do, A. But let’s get back to this vicious accusation you’ve thrown at my head. Why would I steal Magneto – and who’s to say it would be Fassbender’s Magneto I would steal?

A: Actually, both would be splendid as you, but I suppose the accusation may have been wishful thinking?

D: Wishful thinking? You are a devious woman, A.

A: Thank you. You have to admit it might be preferable to trying to convince academy-recognized actors to narrate your story, while only taking a cut of the royalties on every audio book sold.

D: I admit nothing, A. My brilliance should be enough to capture their attention.

A: Uh huh. Right. Let me just work that into the proposal, yeah?

D: Make it so, A.

A: Um, wrong X-Man – and wrong series–

D: These are pointless details, A. In the meantime, everyone ought to run over to Green Embers Recommends for Episode 10 of the Not-So-Shocking News Dialogues.

A: Indeed – thanks for reading everyone!

A Not-Shocking-Adventure: Striking Back

adventureswithD-final (1)D: Did I ever tell you about the time I avenged the death of my mentor by slicing his murderer in half?

A: Uh. . . I’m not sure. Is this a threat of some sort because I’ve been MIA from the blog?

D: No.

A: Good. In that case, no, I did not know that – but it sounds oddly familiar.

D: Or, how about the time I wasted romantically away in a French slum, mourning the loss of my lady-love?

A: Oh my god, you *would* attempt to waste away romantically.  And no, you didn’t tell me that, either. What is going on, D? And why do I have the faintest thought that I’ve heard all this before?

D: Then there was the time I was a young, rootless reporter, chasing after the story of a secret military program.

A: Okay, stop right there, Druid.

D: What?

A: I’m on to you. Those things do sound familiar, but you didn’t do them!

D: How do you know?

A: Because those are all Ewan McGregor movies. I knew you were going to get back at me for having a podcast without you (go on, click the link. D can wait).

D: Who says I wasn’t there, hm? (Go on, click the link for an Easter Egg. A can wait).

A: . . .

Is Ewan McGregor the Voice of D? He certainly has the accent for it! Photo credit: Yui Mok/PA Wire

Is Ewan McGregor the Voice of D? He certainly has the accent for it!
Photo credit: Yui Mok/PA Wire

D: I digress. Perhaps you are right, A, but did you consider that Ewan McGregor is really the perfect actor to voice me because he was already playing me for years, without knowing it?

A: . . . You and your time travel defy logic.

D: Perhaps for you, A. Admit it – before I ever became a prisoner of your mind, it is entirely possible that I could have been as awesome as the characters Ewan McGregor plays.

A: Prisoner of my mind, indeed.

D: I notice how you don’t deny it.

A: I have learned that contradicting you is pointless.

D: Indeed.

A: Did you know, now that the book is nearing publication (only 5 months to go! I should totally have a countdown on the blog–)

D: (You would need to be on the blog in order to have a countdown.)

A: (Killjoy.) Anyway, now that we’re nearing publication, we have to think audio books.

D: You mean I may truly get a voice?

A: Yes!

D: Have you contacted Mr. McGregor’s people, then?

A: No!

D: Oh.

A: Don’t look so dejected, D. I was thinking someone a little more local. A little more affordable, too. But you can, you know, keep on hoping. Maybe the stars will align and you’ll get the voice actor of your dreams.

D: Now you’re just humoring me.

A: Actually I was trying to provide a segue into a closing song, but humoring you works, too. Thanks for reading everyone, and enjoy the podcast, Episode 9: Rise of the Revengeance of the Fleshies Striking Back, over at Green Embers’ Recommends. And just in case you are wondering, yes you CAN subscribe to us on iTunes!!

A Not-So-Shocking Adventure: Tin Hats Unite

adventureswithD-final (1)A: I cannot believe you.

D: What?

A: You know what. How—why—ugh!

D: Now, you remember what you used to say to The Boy when he was small – lets use our words, A.

A: Oh, don’t get all smart with me, Druid. How could you hijack the podcast!?

D: Hijack? Hardly, A. I merely found the means and the method to add to it my brilliance.

A: Brilliance? That’s what we’re calling it?

D: What else could we call it?

A: Well, I have a few words but I’m not so certain they’re fit for the interwebs.

D: Well, why don’t we let the people decide, hm? They should go check out the podcast, should they not, A?

A: (Eye roll) Yes, fine. I suppose this means you don’t need a voice actor anymore?

D: What? With you planning an audio version of the book? Certainly I need a voice actor, A. That mechanical voice is all fine and good for now, but I have my sights on bigger things. Much bigger.

A: I’m afraid to ask.

D: Don’t be. I think my choice this week will alleviate all your fears.

A: . . . and that choice is?

david tennant

Is this the voice of D? Well, he did *play* a Time Lord…

D: David Tennant.

A: Oh, now you’re just sucking up.

D: A little honey never hurts when making a request, A.

A: Yeah, while you sit there, waiting . . .  just like a spider!

D: I said David Tennant, not Clark Gable. Although . . .

A: He’s dead, D.

D: I’m a time-traveler, A.

A: (Sigh) And the realm of possibilities just got that much larger. Oh boy.

D: Indeed – go on everyone, enjoy Episode 8: Entering the Robot Apocalypse, featuring yours truly.

A:  Yes, go on (as if his head weren’t big enough!) Thanks for reading, and for listening!

A Not-So-Shocking Adventure: Rhyme and Neeson

adventureswithD-final (1)A: What is that on your head?

D: Don’t you like my mane?

A: . . .

D: I wanted to see how I would look as a lion. After all, the majestic ruler of the Animal Kingdom and I share similar qualities.

A: No. No one is as #Majestic as this man.

D: No, A. I refuse to allow you to convince me that a dwarf can be my voice.

A: Why not? He has your forbidding glare. And besides, he’s not a dwa—

D: No. I want Liam Neeson.

A: (Sigh) The lion’s mane. Seriously? You think the man who was essentially Jesus could be your voice?

This man has been the voice of God, a Jedi, and a revolutionary... could he be D, too?

This man has been the voice of Jesus (as a lion), a Jedi, and a revolutionary… could he be D, too?

D: He was also assassinated as Michael Collins, but I’m not going to hold that against him.

A: (Eye roll) I’m sure he appreciates your forbearance.

D: Admit it A, you can’t find fault with this choice. He’s perfect.

A: . . . I do believe Green and I have created a monster. Thank heavens our podcasts are so much fun (even if I fail at picking titles! Episode 7: Untitled is fab, and you should go listen. Don’t worry, we’ll wait).

D: If by fun, you mean ridiculous.

A: Actually, I usually do mean ridiculous.

D: I knew—

A: And that’s why they’re awesome! Go on, everyone. Check out the podcast and the show notes over at Green Embers Recommends. And while you’re there, check out the other great reviews by Green, Phoebe and Roxie!

Not-So-Shocking Adventure: Hugh Knows? The Druid Knows

adventureswithD-final (1)D: Does this pompadour make my head look funny?

A: . . . You know, of all the words I expect to come out of a 1300-year-old Pict’s mouth, those were not them.

D: That’s nice, A. You haven’t answered my question though.

A: What are you doing?

D: Trying out a new hairstyle.

A: And what’s that on your hands?

D: Oh, these? These are claws.

claw

Claw Salad Tongs – Rarely used, because The Boy is often using them as Wolverine claws.

A: No, I think those are my salad tongs.

D: Okay, they’re salad tongs – I just wanted to see what it would look like.

A: Just wanted to see what ‘what’ would look like, D?

D: Claws.

A: Just when I think I understand you. . .

D: You could never understand my excellence fully, A. It would take more lifetimes than you have to live.

A: Really?

D: Indeed. Besides, I’m not sure how you can cast stones. Who is the one running around talking on the interwebs, and coining such charming phrases as “madcap recap?” You are ridiculous, woman.

A: Thank you (and click the link to the 6th installment of the Not-So-Shocking News Dialogues at Green Embers Recommends to find out just what D is talking about). I take it this is yet another attempt to discover the actor to match your, ah, excellence?

D: Indeed.

A: So, men with claws and pompadours? While you can be beastly in temperament–

I'm really not going to argue with this choice...

Um, okay. This can be the voice of D.

D: Funny, A. The claws are not a requirement, however I think the man that wore them for the silver screen might capture my wounded warrior spirit quite beautifully. He’s not just any beast – he’s a Hugh Jackman beast.

A: Hm. . . I really don’t want to argue with that one, but you do realize that it’s the actor’s job to give life to your voice, not your job to look like the actor, right?

D: Oh, well, uh . . .

A: Unless of course, you’ve taken up moonlighting as an impersonator. In which case . . .

D: Yes?

A: Lose the salad tongs.

A Not-So-Shocking Adventure – A Regal Fortnight

adventureswithD-final (1)D: What do “Schindler’s List,” “Gandhi,” “Ender’s Game” and “Troilus and Cressida” all have in common?

A: Um . . . do I want to know?

D: Come on, A – play along.

A: Okay, fine. They all tread tremendously lyrical and exemplify the extraordinary tenacity of the human spirit.

D: I was going to say Ben Kingsley, but that works, too.

A: Really? Because I made that up—wait, what’s this about Ben Kingsley?

D: He’s my voice actor. I’ve decided.

A: Voice actor. . . again?

D: Of course – if you insist on speaking to the internet, I am going to insist on finding a man impressive enough to be my voice as well.

A:  And before D launches into the argument on why exactly Ben Kingsley is his perfect voice actor, why don’t you all head over to Green Embers’ Recommends and check out Episode 5 of the Not-So-Shocking-News Dialogues: Once Upon a Fortnightly.

D: Well, that was lovely.

A: Indeed it was – Happy May Fourth, D.

D: Considering that other great man, Sir Alec Guinness, was a part of that space opera, I shall allow your ridiculousness, this time.

A: Oh, how very gracious of you – I take it then, that peerage is now a requirement for a voice actor?

D: Not necessarily – but it does help. I was once a prince and a warrior, before you consigned me to the ones and zeros that make up this digital world of yours.

A: Uh huh. And?

D: And?

Is *this* the voice of D?

Is *this* the voice of D?

D: As if you needed more convincing. Admit it, A. He has my gravitas, my humility and my heart-breaking heroism down pat.

A: Oh good lord. Seriously?

D: Do you deny it?

A: (Sigh) No, and yet, how do you intend on convincing him, D?

D: I need to convince him? Send him a transcript, A – I command it.

A: Oh, no. No, that settles it.

D: What?

A: You, and the pointing, and the imperiousness. No. There will be no entitled voice actors for you.

D: But – but—

A: No.

D: Not even if I say, please?

A: Oh, stop making puppy dog eyes at me, Druid. . . I’ll think about it.

D: Of course you will, A. And I suppose in the meantime, everyone should really check out that podcast, hm?

A: Indeed – I hope you all enjoy it – and thank you for stopping by!

A Not-So-Shocking Adventure: Fiennes and Misdemeanors

adventureswithD-final (1)D: According to your file, you’re a psychopathic personality with schizophrenic delusions, suffering from recurring amnesia based on traumatic repression leading to outbursts of antisocial and violent behavior. Knight to king seven. Check.

A: D? What is going on? Who are you talking to? When did you learn chess?

D: Oh, A. There you are. I’d almost forgotten you were here, standing on the bones of my father.

A: What are you talking about? You’re—you’re a fictional character and that sounds an awful lot like a line from Harry Potter.

D: It is. I’m trying out his lines.

A: Whose lines?

D: What is my name, you ask of me often? It is a name unmusical to the people’s ears, and harsh in sound to thine.

A: . . .

D: Oh, for heaven’s sake A, if you must be obtuse, I’m trying out Ralph Fiennes as my voice actor.

A: Again, I’m going to have to give you a confused silence as evidenced by these three dots: “. . . “

D: Very droll, A. You and Green are at it again with the ol’ podcasting out to the world bit, and if you insist on talking, then so shall I. I shall prove that there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity.

A: And before D starts spouting words of wisdom from Sunshine or the English Patient, which would probably sound sacrilegious coming from the figment of my imagination, please head over to Green Embers, to read the fourth installment of the Not-So-Shocking News Dialogues!

* * *

Courtesy IMBD

Is this the voice of D? Photo courtesy IMBD

D: As I was saying, A. Mr. Fiennes would be spectacular as me.

A: I will agree insomuch as Mr. Fiennes is spectacular–

D: And of course, someone of my history and pathos needs someone of his caliber.

A: Well, certainly, D, but—

D: And since you’ve watched Grand Budapest Hotel, you know he can do humor.

A: That he can.

D: And yet, I sense your reluctance.

A: Well, it’s just that I fear if he were to play you, you’d insist on quoting him all the time, and you have yet to plumb the full depths of his Voldemort—

D: Don’t you turn your back on me, A! I want to see the light leave your eyes–

A: Okay, that is quite enough!

D: Oh, sorry, A. I’m not sure what came over me there.

A: See what I mean?

D: Perhaps. But, can he go on the list?

A: If it means you’ll stop quoting him, sure.

D: (Sigh) Alas, all my power is spent. . . who knows? I may be stronger without it.

A: Indeed. Does this mean we can say goodbye and plug the link for the podcast again?

D: Yes, yes (ahem) Lots to be done 00A. . . are you ready to get back to work?

A: (Grin) With pleasure, M-I mean D. With pleasure.

Not-So-Shocking Adventure… with the Doctor Edition

adventureswithD-final (1)D: Ooh! Sweet mystery of life, at last I have found you!

A: Not bad, D … interesting subject, but nice voice. What’s up?

D: Well, since you are persisting in actually speaking to the interwebs, as you call it (and in that ridiculous accent. Honestly, woman)—

A: Click here to hear it at GE Recommends — it’s hilarious! Go ahead, we’ll wait!

***

D: As I was saying, if you get to talk, so do I.

A: And so you’re singing because…

D: Auditions.

A: You do realize that actors are supposed to audition for you, right?

D: Oh, real– I mean, uh, quite. However, Miss Smarty-Pants A, they need to understand my range and brilliance, and to do that, they must hear me SING!

A: And just who were you hoping would hear this, um, magnificence?

D: Neil Patrick Harris

A: … Really?  I mean, yeah, he can sing, but he is American, you know.

D: A talented Thespian can channel an accent when necessary.

A: Even a Scottish accent? You heard my Irish accent, and I lived there.

D: … You may have a point. Excuse me while I ponder this.

A: Yeah, you do that,  D. In the meantime, head over to Green Embers Recommends for the second edition of the Not-So-Shocking News Dialogue, All about the Doctor edition.